An Indecent Offer


When a long time friend of mine moved in to the ground floor house of the apartment where I live in the first floor, I was joyed, and when he hired a good-looking maid to run their daily cleaning chores, I was over-joyed. I thought I could atleast spend my idle time ogling at her. The fact the maid was married and had a four-year old kid did not feature as a deterrent.

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Since my friend and his wife were working in software firms far off in the other side of the city, they left for work early in the morning. One day when I happened to come home early, I saw the maid’s son sitting on the steps of my friend’s house with the door closed behind him. He was licking a large cone of ice-cream. I saw my friend’s car parked in his regular parking space. A beautiful maid and a young beast locked inside! I put two and two together and the combination was an incredible story of cotton and fire. I knew him too well to think otherwise. I thought the bugger would have changed after marriage, but apparently he hasn’t.

Though I could figure out what could be happening inside, I just wanted to know what the boy’s version of the event was. When asked, he said in Kannada, which translated to: “mother and uncle cleaning the cupboard. Mother told I may get dust allergy and asked me to wait outside”.

I could not resist paying my friend a visit in the evening once the maid was gone after her day’s work. I made it look like a casual visit, but could not hang on to my act for long. I plainly asked him what he was doing with the maid with the door locked. He didn’t attempt to hide either. “Just keep quiet, will you?”, and then he made an offer I could not refuse. He said: “you can have her when your wife is away for Christmas vacation. Now it is my turn”. I did my best to conceal the sudden surge of excitement breaking out in my face. I quickly answered, “Let me see”.

The whole conversation went on in a dull, somber, and completely unexciting tone that it sounded like two tired school kids, one asking the other for crayons, and the first kid says the second kid can have it after he finishes his drawing assignment and the second kid simply agrees.

A week later, the boy posted outside the house had already licked away two dozens of ice creams, while his mother and the ‘uncle’ had finished dusting the cupboard and were now dutifully involved in cleaning the bedroom.

Just two days before my wife was due to visit her parents which usually turns out to be a very long vacation, I received a call in the afternoon from my wife. She was frantic and excited, “you know what happened?” she quickly continued, “your friend downstairs…” Oh the bugger got caught, I guessed. My wife said, “his wife found him ‘sleeping’ with their maid”. I knew that someday something like this was bound to happen for the bugger was doing far too much ‘sleeping’ on a regular basis.

Wife: “She found the maid’s son sitting outside and eating Chocolate, your friend’s car was parked outside, and she got suspicious, and peeped inside through one of the windows and found them….” I ignored the details, as my thoughts were locked in the word ‘chocolate’. The boy must have got bored with ice creams – after all who would like to eat ice creams daily in December?

“Why aren’t you saying anything?” my wife cut in. What should I say my dear wife? Should I say I knew it already, or should I tell you I was at it myself? But I didn’t tell her all these, I just told her, “I’m surprised as much as you are”. Later in the night she explained me how the whole incident unfolded and how she came to know of it but thankfully my name never came into the story.

Though I had not made up my mind to make out with the maid, the very thought of the availability of a chance had really exciting me. But then the closest-ever chance blown away, I resorted to spend the Christmas days, like every year, in the company of my other useless friends, and sometimes in the elite company of Napoleon* and Caesar*.

P.S: Napoleon and Caesar are liquor brands

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About Joshi Mukard (79 Articles)
The author is a wandering soul with no place to call his home town. He was born in Kerala, brought up in several parts of Tamil Nadu, and currently living in Bangalore, shifting his base across the city on a yearly basis with fellow (unfortunate) wanderers, his wife (Libena) and little daughter (Tanaya). Despite all these, the author is a happy soul with no complaints on anything. He wakes up in the morning and sleeps at night and in-between he ducks, stumbles and dances through this world.

60 Comments on An Indecent Offer

  1. ha ha ha ha ha..
    i just cant stop laughing Joshi..
    Kollaaaaaaaam..ha ha ha ha..

  2. Hey Joshi, asusual fantastic, and very refreshing:-)

  3. 😀 LMAO.

    I blame you, my friend. You should have taken precautions against your friend getting caught. After all, you had a bigger stake in the whole game. :p

    Nice post.

  4. Joshi is bai-sexual 😀

    A very tongue in cheek ode to forbidden love – loved it.

  5. Ice creams are slippery and yummy.. but how long isn’t it. Good one and many fall prey in the name of lust.

  6. Hahahaha =))
    Priceless. Great narration and thoroughly enjoyable read.
    Asking for crayons? LOL 😀

  7. LOL!! Literally. Gave my roommate a scare!

    Some ‘kids’ aren’t smart enough to cover up their trails before baring their @$$es, I guess. 😉

  8. Very good piece Joshi. As you said your friend would find it difficult to change himself!

  9. awesome post buddy
    enjoyed it through out
    well written

  10. Can you imagine that a person was just discussing that there is no difference between men — the only difference being, how much risk they are willing to take or how much of opportunity comes their way…
    You just proved him right LOL

  11. lol.. “on chocolates, the boy must have got bored of icecreams” 😉

  12. Hey, great post…..hmm…….temptations…temptations…temptations….never enough with one 😉

    • All men are the same. When chance presents itself they jump at it. Some have the courage to speak out, some don’t. Men who say they are perfect, they either didn’t get a chance or simply lying.

  13. A well written story and I don’t worry Joshi, I won’t ask you how much of it is fiction 😉

  14. i like it An Indecent Offer « tomato.blog now im your rss reader

  15. I believe beautiful looking bai mean bye bye, trouble from the beginning……so the morale of the story is to maintain a safe distance, not vide ice cream or chocolate. In this case some jealous neighbour must have blown the whistle i suppose. Enjoyed reading.

  16. Visiting your blog for first time

    Superb…:)

  17. Awesome…refreshing. Maid to order post.

  18. Now don’t tell me this is real.
    Came long time after to your Blog, its refreshing as ever.

    • But I have to tell you this is real to some degree. Also know this; real incident was better than what has been written here. Thanks for coming back. Hope I didn’t dissapoint you. Do visit again.

  19. the most important question: doesnt your wife read your blogposts?

  20. I appreciate your guts to reveal this indecent offer through the blog.Where is your hero now? He might be happy enough to share this blog with his wife and share the credit once he got with you….Make sure that libeena akka never get to know about this indecent offer.
    Nice blog……..S

  21. This is a guy who would have got caught first, everytime in ice-paal during his childhood. Come on, parking a car and locking the kid out with ice cream. He deserves to get punished, for stupidity.

  22. Seriously is it real ? … well then it’s better to be with the useless than getting got by the wife ; )

  23. good one…:) i hope your wife doesn’t come across this one though!!

  24. Really funny post. I don’t want to sound all puritanical here.
    But I hope you are kidding. Won’t the kid know when he grows up, what his Dad was doing? And isn’t that dude putting his entire family at risk for STDs.

  25. Stephen Pennington // March 18, 2011 at 11:14 am // Reply

    Dear Joshi

    This is related to some other blogs of yours I have seen and read..

    Have you ever thought of writing a book? My sister – climbed Everest twice (only UK woman to have done so) and was involved in an eventful attempted ascent of Macalu last year and is looking for a writer – thought you may be interested…..

    Let me know if you are…

    • Dear Stephen Pennington,

      I consider this offer of yours as a highlight in my blogging experience so far. Thanks.

      If you think I can do a good job of writing a book out of your sister’s experience, I would be absolutely willing to take a shot at it.

      Thanks again. You can mail me to this address: joshimukard@gmail.com

  26. hahahahahahahha 😀 TOO GOOD 😀

  27. sweindigirl // May 15, 2011 at 2:31 pm // Reply

    Your story started off well….and ended well too! I seriously like whatever you write (and of course your cute daughter too)

  28. Ha! Very timely given current news events.

  29. Hahaha..doesn’t the wife read ur blog?

  30. I’m a first-timer at your blog & this featured post has me hooked! (Though I did like the others too 😛 )

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