The Church and the Sinner


I have always been a reluctant churchgoer. I have no deep-rooted convictions. I believe, of course, in God, and those things we had most often heard in church, that there is heaven and hell – an ever-burning hell. But that’s about all.

For me, Church is a torturously boring place. When I was young, my brother and I had our tricks to sometimes evade this regular visits on Sundays. We feign ill more often.

My late grandfather was a very staunch believer. He chased us to Church on every Sundays. Once inside the church, we had separate sitting places. Children were made to sit on the floor on the front rows. Grandpa was a bench audience. Just before the sermon, we quietly crawl out of the door. We jump the compound wall, run home breathlessly, get into the house through the back door (back-door latch was easy to open) and watch Chandrakantha, a popular tele-serial in those days. Chandrakantha was more important and interesting to us than Church.

Though the church was not very close to our house, we could hear all the church proceedings over the loudspeakers. Just when the mass is about to get over, we run back to the church and get mixed into the departing crowd. We find our grandpa and accompany him home like two obedient kids.

But after marriage my sanctimonious wife drags me to the church. I know I cannot bunk Church, so I play a secondary trick. I wake up late on the day, spend more time in the bathroom and walk like a slug. It works to perfection that by the time we reach the Church, it is already full, and we are made to stand outside.

That’s whom you call an out-standing churchgoer. Outside the hall, it’s a great time-pass. Modern churches are like ladies’ clubs. It is a place of passivity where women thrive but men wilt.

On Sunday mornings, a chick-flick atmosphere prevails. Women flock to church to parade themselves, and men go for sightseeing. Parents bring their ‘grown-up’ daughters decorated in silk and flowers with an obvious ‘come-and-get-them’ message, a common pre-marriage live advertisement run in the church courtyard in our society. Whichever way you look at it, the world just outside the church hall is interesting and happening. And my worst fear was that someday I might get stuck with the boring and dull world inside.

That day came earlier than expected. When I shifted my home to a different part of the city, I changed my Church as well. From St. Sebastian to St. Anthony, the timing also changed. First day to the new Church, alas, I happened to reach there an hour before the mass. Needless to say, my wife was rapturously delighted. She fluttered through the church like a butterfly. And I was feeling like a babe in the woods.

With a couple of welcome songs, the mass started. We were seated in the second row. There was no way that I could run home.

The priest looked like a broiler chicken, fair and fragile, with his graying hair combed backwards. He had a very shrill voice, and it started piercing into my ears as I was sitting very close to a speaker.

It was time for sermon. Since it was election time, politics was the subject. He wanted the people to vote for Congress. Would not impress me. I’m a BJP sympathizer. For a Christian, it is sin to vote for BJP. A sinner, I’m, I started to count every passing minute on the clock. My mind raced to think through a way to escape this boredom. Just then, the cloud opened and rain came beating down. People crowded into the church to take refuge.

I raised my head and spoke to the man above, “Lord, what shall I do?”

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About Joshi Mukard (79 Articles)
The author is a wandering soul with no place to call his home town. He was born in Kerala, brought up in several parts of Tamil Nadu, and currently living in Bangalore, shifting his base across the city on a yearly basis with fellow (unfortunate) wanderers, his wife (Libena) and little daughter (Tanaya). Despite all these, the author is a happy soul with no complaints on anything. He wakes up in the morning and sleeps at night and in-between he ducks, stumbles and dances through this world.

15 Comments on The Church and the Sinner

  1. Hillarious Reading!!!
    Very well put in words in the prsent scenario of our day to day life.

  2. Joshi Mukard // September 9, 2009 at 8:52 am // Reply

    Thank You manhas

  3. cookie monster // September 10, 2009 at 4:57 pm // Reply

    Hilarious Joshi, this modern day religious scenario has been very well put into words, excellent.

    One thing well noted is that church has now become a place where people go not to pray but to socialize, connect – women parade themselves in thier best dresses, parents displaying their young daughters ready for marriage, and men, as usual , upto our sight seeing antics.

    well said, Joshi, waiting for more…
    Syd

  4. Thanks Syd. Please read my other blogs as well.

  5. True born rebel. Made me hilarious & brood over the interesting points that you raised. Hats off to you for sticking to your convictions.You have a good litrerary sense & a easy flowing writing style. Expecting more of such quality blogs from you.
    Anil (Chry)

  6. you posted a Stupid article and some 3 pigs has praised you
    Church or Temple or Mosque , Don’t drag god for your humor .
    You are in bangalore rite , You will behave like this only
    Stupid State Stupid City Stupid People

    • Dear Anonymus,

      I’m really glad that I could get into somebody’s head so easily. Thanks for your efforts to comment. Why dont you subscribe to my blog? Lot of ‘Stupid’ stuffs are on the way, and you will have a handful of things to comment about.

      By the way, next time you comment, try to be more harsh, strong and ugly. This excessive useage of the word ‘Stupid’ sounds too girlish, and moreover words like ‘Stupid People’ and ‘Stupid City’ are like the names of some ‘A’ rated shakeela movies.

  7. i like it The Church and the Sinner « tomato.blog now im your rss reader

  8. Hey, I really like your anecdotal material. This one reminds me of my visits to the temples as a kid 🙂

  9. ha ha…kollam! i like!

  10. Donn Lengyel // July 22, 2011 at 8:06 pm // Reply

    Incredibly nice post. I just stumbled upon your weblog and wanted to say that I have actually enjoyed surfing around your blog posts. Following all I is going to be subscribing to your rss feed and I hope you write again soon!

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