Salvation for Sale! Buy Now

Once when I told my friend, Ghee Varghese – a skinny guy, evidently no ghee, but a very fat believer – that God created the world in six days and nights while living on cola and candy bars and on the seventh day when he went home, he found out his girlfriend had left him, he rebuked, “Joshi, it is a sin to joke about God.”

Like my friend, my father also thought I should stop my sinful talks, and turn the spiritual way.

So, he sends me to a pastor in a nearby town.

The pastor greets me with a broad smile. He is dressed in black and white, shirt tucked in, and a matching tie hangs by his neck. He looks like the marketing executive who came to my house the previous day to sell water purifier. Unusually I’m also dressed like one, minus the tie. He shakes my hand and waves me to a plush seat.

After enquiring about my whereabouts, he asks me what he can do for me. I tell him I’m looking for spiritual enlightenment. His eyes twinkle. “Brother, you have come to the right place,” he declares. He calls a name, and a beautiful girl (could be his daughter) comes inside the room with a plate. New to any places like this, I think she is going to serve me food. “Offerings,” the pastor says, “Do not count your notes. Remember you are giving it to God”. I don’t have to count as I only have one hundred rupee note in my wallet. I close my eyes and put that in the collection plate.

“Let me explain about the various prayer meetings that we conduct…” he goes on to explain that they have special prayer meetings scheduled for sinners, possessed and the sick. He asks me which category would I belong to. I wish there were more categories to choose from. “Sinner,” I respond with hesitation. “Good. We have special prayer meetings for sinners on every Friday evening”, he says. “Brother, Jesus is your friend. He will forgive all your sins. You only need to know how to get his blessings.” It seems there is a trick to get it, and this man’s going to help me get it.

He asks me to kneel for an instant blessing. I do. He sprinkles some water on my head and mumbles some prayers. After five minutes I’m told that I’m blessed. As it turns out, it is only a preliminary blessing before the Grand Friday Blessing Fest.

“Brother, do you know where God is?” he asks. Because the question sounds too philosophical, I don’t want to answer. I smile and say “I will give you an answer when I visit you next time.”

I step out of his room and walk towards the exit. He comes running after me and thrusts a pamphlet into my hand. He says, “I’m sure you would want your name to be announced on Friday.”

The brochure has a list of various prayer meetings with time and date mentioned against them. Sinners meeting is at the top. And there is a special note at the bottom of the paper. It says: Donations above Rs.1000 would be specially mentioned in the notice board and donations above Rs.5000 would be announced in the next prayer meeting.

My thought goes to the marketing executive who was trying to sell the water purifier.

Salvation for Rs.5000. Two years guarantee!

I walk away, never to return.

About Joshi Mukard (100 Articles)
The author is a wandering soul with no place to call 'home-town'. He was born in Kerala, brought up in several parts of Tamil Nadu, and currently living in Bangalore, shifting his base across the city on a yearly basis with fellow (unfortunate) wanderers, his wife (Libena) and little daughter (Tanaya). Despite all these, the author is a happy soul with no complaints on anything. He wakes up in the morning and sleeps at night and in-between he ducks, stumbles and dances through this world.

18 Comments on Salvation for Sale! Buy Now

  1. …and donations above Rs.5000 would be announced in the prayer meetings.

    I think the pastor must have thought if he announced your name over the mike, it might reach God's ears easily. Ha..Ha..

  2. Joshi Mukard // October 8, 2009 at 7:56 am // Reply

    The image and the content I have provided are just for fun. Readers, please understand I'm not trying to hurt anyone's feeling or belief.

  3. I am all for believing in the spirtual aspect of the world….but the funny thing is, I don't think anything in the spiritual side of things, whether it be God, angels, or spirit guides, gives a dang about financial aspects of our physical world. I think the most you might be 'saved' from is having a heavy wallet 😉

  4. Again a good piece of work laced with wit & humour. Your conclusion is quite apt with the corrupt commercial aspects, prevalent in every religion today. Your article gives a good rap on the knuckles of such, self professed agents of the Almighty. Hope you don't antagonize some deep rooted spiritual people, you might fail to understand your inherent message.Anyhow stick to your conviction & keep blogging.
    Anil chry

  5. Hilarious but unfortunately true across all religions.

    Great writing. Keep them coming.

  6. "God actually created the world in six days and nights while living on cola and candy bars and on the seventh day when he went home, he found out his girlfriend had left him" — Hahaha! FANTASTIC! Love the humour, love the concept, love the blog (layout/etc.). I see no faults with your blog except maybe that you need more great content! Guess we'll just have to wait 🙂 Now to bookmark your site!.

  7. HAHA. You cracked me up all the way through the article. Maybe the pastor was the marketing executive lolAnyways, great post!

  8. Bro, you have sinned against God again by posting this blog… Pay him an additional 5,000 Rs to get rid of this sin.. Alternatively, you can introduce 5 persons to him (preferably ‘sinners’) so 5 x 1000 = 5,000….:)

  9. You have portrayed a dark reality in a light vein… commercialization of spirituality is the curse of our times…just adding something I happened to hear somewhere, “The absence of evidence is not the evidence of absence”.

  10. I see you don’t monetize your website, don’t waste
    your traffic, you can earn extra cash every month because you’ve got hi quality content.
    If you want to know how to make extra $$$, search for:
    best adsense alternative Wrastain’s tools

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