Salvation for Sale! Buy Now

I was entertaining my friend, Ghee Varghese, a very thin guy, obviously no ghee, but a very fat believer. I was telling him that God actually created the world in six days and nights while living on cola and candy bars and on the seventh day when he went home, he found out his girlfriend had left him. Ghee Varghese could not stomach my humor, he rebuked, “Joshi, it is sin to joke about God”.

Like my friend, my father also thought I should stop my sinful talks, and turn the spiritual way. He sent me to a pastor in a nearby town.

The pastor greeted me with a very broad smile that I could count all his teeth. He was cleanly dressed in black and white, with his shirt tucked in, and wearing a matching tie. He looked like the marketing executive who came to my house the previous day to sell ‘pure water’ (water purifier). Unusually I was also dressed like one, minus the tie. He shook my hands and waved me to a plush seat.

After enquiring about my whereabouts, he asked me what he could do for me. I told him I was looking for spiritual enlightenment. His eyes twinkled. “Brother, this is the right place to start”, he declared. He called out a name and a beautiful girl (could be his daughter) came inside the room with a plate. New to any places like this, I thought she was going to serve me food. “Offerings”, the pastor said, “Do not count your notes. Remember you are giving it to God”. I didn’t had to count I just had one hundred rupee bill. I closed my eyes and put that in the collection plate.

“Let me explain about the various prayer meetings that we conduct…” he went on to explain that they have special prayer meetings scheduled, for sinners, possessed and the sick. He asked which category would I belong. I felt there should be more categories to choose from. “Sinner”, I responded with hesitation. “Good. We have special prayer meetings for sinners on every Friday evening”, he said. “Brother, Jesus is your friend. He will forgive all your sins. Only thing is you need to know how to get his blessings” It seemed like there is trick to get it and he was going to help me get it.

He asked me to kneel down for an instant blessing. I did. He sprinkled some water on my head and mumbled some prayers. After five minutes I was told I was blessed. It was like a preliminary blessing before the Friday meeting. “Where is God?” he asked. The question sounded too philosophical and I didn’t want to answer. I smiled, and said “I will give you an answer when I visit you next time”.

I stepped out of his room, and walked towards the exit. He came running after me, and thrust a pamphlet into my hand. “Read this, brother”.

It had a list of various prayer meetings with time and date mentioned against them. Sinners’ meeting was at the top. And there was a special note at the bottom of the paper, it said; donations above Rs.1000 would be specially mentioned in the notice board (without photograph, I guessed), and donations above Rs.5000 would be announced in the prayer meetings. “I’m sure you would want your name to be announced on Friday”. He smiled. He shook my hands. I remembered the marketing executive who was trying to sell the water purifier. Salvation for Rs.5000. Warranty announced!

“Where is God?” the enquiring words of the pastor now boomed into my ears. The Man is missing, and I did not want to hang around the spot any longer.

About Joshi Mukard (86 Articles)
The author is a wandering soul with no place to call his home town. He was born in Kerala, brought up in several parts of Tamil Nadu, and currently living in Bangalore, shifting his base across the city on a yearly basis with fellow (unfortunate) wanderers, his wife (Libena) and little daughter (Tanaya). Despite all these, the author is a happy soul with no complaints on anything. He wakes up in the morning and sleeps at night and in-between he ducks, stumbles and dances through this world.

18 Comments on Salvation for Sale! Buy Now

  1. …and donations above Rs.5000 would be announced in the prayer meetings.

    I think the pastor must have thought if he announced your name over the mike, it might reach God's ears easily. Ha..Ha..

  2. Joshi Mukard // October 8, 2009 at 7:56 am // Reply

    The image and the content I have provided are just for fun. Readers, please understand I'm not trying to hurt anyone's feeling or belief.

  3. I am all for believing in the spirtual aspect of the world….but the funny thing is, I don't think anything in the spiritual side of things, whether it be God, angels, or spirit guides, gives a dang about financial aspects of our physical world. I think the most you might be 'saved' from is having a heavy wallet 😉

  4. Again a good piece of work laced with wit & humour. Your conclusion is quite apt with the corrupt commercial aspects, prevalent in every religion today. Your article gives a good rap on the knuckles of such, self professed agents of the Almighty. Hope you don't antagonize some deep rooted spiritual people, you might fail to understand your inherent message.Anyhow stick to your conviction & keep blogging.
    Anil chry

  5. Hilarious but unfortunately true across all religions.

    Great writing. Keep them coming.

  6. "God actually created the world in six days and nights while living on cola and candy bars and on the seventh day when he went home, he found out his girlfriend had left him" — Hahaha! FANTASTIC! Love the humour, love the concept, love the blog (layout/etc.). I see no faults with your blog except maybe that you need more great content! Guess we'll just have to wait 🙂 Now to bookmark your site!.

  7. HAHA. You cracked me up all the way through the article. Maybe the pastor was the marketing executive lolAnyways, great post!

  8. Bro, you have sinned against God again by posting this blog… Pay him an additional 5,000 Rs to get rid of this sin.. Alternatively, you can introduce 5 persons to him (preferably ‘sinners’) so 5 x 1000 = 5,000….:)

  9. You have portrayed a dark reality in a light vein… commercialization of spirituality is the curse of our times…just adding something I happened to hear somewhere, “The absence of evidence is not the evidence of absence”.

  10. I see you don’t monetize your website, don’t waste
    your traffic, you can earn extra cash every month because you’ve got hi quality content.
    If you want to know how to make extra $$$, search for:
    best adsense alternative Wrastain’s tools

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